He’s Knocking on My Door

Category: Daily Journal

  • Daily Journal #25 — One Pound Back Down and a Steak Worth Eating

    Daily Journal #25 — One Pound Back Down and a Steak Worth Eating

    Not much going on today.

    My morning health check was good.

    Everything looked pretty normal, and I lost one of the two pounds I had put on over the last couple of days.

    At this point, I’m pretty convinced the extra weight wasn’t fluid.

    I think I just ate more than I normally do.

    Sometimes the simplest explanation really is the right one.

    The Steak Was Worth It

    The day before, we had steak and mini baked potatoes for dinner.

    We really don’t buy beef very often anymore.

    But we picked some up the other day, cooked it on the grill, and it was really good.

    I didn’t go crazy.

    It wasn’t like I ate some giant restaurant meal.

    I just ate a little more than I normally would for dinner.

    And apparently my body noticed.

    When you follow a pretty strict routine every day, even a small change stands out quickly.

    That is one of the strange benefits of tracking everything so closely.

    If my weight changes, I usually have a pretty good idea of what may have caused it.

    Sometimes You Have to Deviate

    I think every once in a while, you have to allow yourself to deviate a little.

    Not throw the whole plan away.

    Do not ignore sodium.

    Not stop paying attention.

    Just enjoy something different.

    For me, that meant having a steak.

    And honestly?

    It was worth it.

    Living with chronic illness already comes with enough restrictions.

    If I can make a reasonable choice, stay within the limits my medical team has given me, and enjoy something I don’t normally eat, I think that matters too.

    I’m not trying to be perfect.

    I’m trying to be consistent.

    There is a difference.

    The Scale Tells the Story

    The nice part is that one of those pounds is already gone again.

    My other health numbers still look good, so I’m not seeing anything that makes me think this was fluid retention.

    It looks more like a little extra food, maybe a little more sitting in my system than usual, and then things starting to settle back down.

    That’s exactly why I don’t want to panic over every single movement on the scale.

    The trend matters more than one number.

    And right now, the trend still looks fine.

    So today’s lesson is pretty simple.

    Sometimes you eat the steak.

    Sometimes the scale notices.

    And sometimes that is completely okay.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal experience managing weight, diet, sodium intake, and chronic health conditions under the guidance of my healthcare team. Nothing in this article should be considered medical or nutritional advice. Weight changes can happen for many reasons, including food intake, fluid shifts, medications, and medical conditions. If you have heart failure, kidney disease, high blood pressure, or another condition that requires dietary or fluid restrictions, follow the plan provided by your own qualified healthcare professionals and discuss unexpected or persistent weight changes with them.

  • Daily Journal #24 — Another Pound Up, but Two Days Out of the House

    Daily Journal #24 — Another Pound Up, but Two Days Out of the House

    This morning’s weigh-in was up another pound.

    Kind of weird.

    Normally, seeing the scale move up would make me start wondering about fluid retention, especially after some of the ups and downs I’ve had lately.

    But today, I really don’t think that’s what is going on.

    My blood pressure was good.

    Pulse was good.

    Glucose was good.

    My body-water reading was good.

    So for now, I’m not reading too much into the extra pound.

    I’ll keep watching it like I always do.

    A Pretty Boring Day — Which Was Actually Kind of Nice

    Today was pretty uneventful.

    Not much going on.

    I went to a furniture store.

    That probably doesn’t sound like much.

    For most people, it isn’t.

    For me, it was.

    I’ve spent an incredible amount of time at home over the last year because of everything going on with my health and mobility.

    So going to a furniture store is not just going to a furniture store.

    It means getting dressed.

    Getting out of the house.

    Getting in the car.

    Walking around pushing a walker

    Managing the pain.

    And the fatigue.

    Making sure I don’t overdo it.

    And then getting back home.

    That whole process takes more out of me now than it ever used to.

    Two Days in a Row

    The thing I’m actually happy about is this:

    That makes two days in a row that I left the house.

    Yesterday was the beach.

    Today was the furniture store.

    Neither one sounds like a major accomplishment when you say it out loud.

    But when you’ve been mostly stuck at home for a very long time, they feel different.

    They feel like progress.

    Not huge progress.

    Not life-changing progress.

    But progress.

    And I’ll take it.

    My Leg Is Reminding Me Who Is in Charge

    Of course, there is always a price.

    As I’m writing this tonight, my leg is killing me.

    The extra walking over the last couple of days definitely caught up with me.

    That part is frustrating.

    I want to do more.

    My brain says:

    You got out two days in a row. Keep going.

    My body says:

    Yeah, about that…

    So tomorrow I’m going to take it easy.

    That is another thing I’ve had to learn.

    Doing more doesn’t always mean doing more every single day.

    Sometimes doing more means knowing when to stop.

    Resting tomorrow doesn’t erase what I did yesterday or today.

    It just means I’m trying not to turn two good days into three bad ones.

    A Small Win Is Still a Win

    Today wasn’t exciting.

    There wasn’t some big medical update.

    No major test.

    No dramatic story.

    I went to a furniture store.

    That’s it.

    But I left the house.

    For the second day in a row.

    And right now, that counts as a win.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal experience living with chronic health conditions and mobility limitations. Nothing in this article should be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or a recommendation to change medications, activity levels, exercise, rest, or treatment. Weight changes can occur for many reasons, and pain or worsening mobility symptoms should be discussed with qualified healthcare professionals. Always follow the activity and treatment guidance provided by your own medical team.

  • Daily Journal #23 — Good Numbers, Less Anxiety, and a Better Day at the Beach

    Daily Journal #23 — Good Numbers, Less Anxiety, and a Better Day at the Beach

    This morning’s health checks were good.

    My blood pressure was good.

    My pulse was good.

    My weight was up 1.1 pounds, but I’m not particularly concerned about it right now.

    My body-water reading was basically the same as yesterday, which makes me think this probably isn’t fluid.

    There are a couple of pretty ordinary explanations.

    I was wearing a heavier shirt this morning than I was yesterday, and I definitely ate more for dinner last night than I normally do.

    I had a pretty good-sized salad and some of our low-sodium Mexican casserole.

    It’s kind of like beans and rice with chicken, and it is really good.

    And really filling.

    I’ll probably post that recipe in the next few days.

    So for now, I’m just going to monitor the weight and see what tomorrow looks like.

    One pound by itself doesn’t have me worried.

    Feeling Better After the Nephrologist

    I also feel better mentally today after meeting with my nephrologist.

    The appointment was very encouraging.

    Everything he told me was positive, including his explanation that the upcoming kidney MRI is really there to get a closer, more detailed look at what they already saw on the ultrasound.

    He didn’t seem overly concerned.

    That helped.

    It’s funny how much your mind can wander when you are waiting for medical tests.

    You start with one unanswered question.

    Then your brain creates ten more.

    Then twenty.

    Before long, you are mentally diagnosing yourself with every possible outcome.

    Anxiety can really take over if you let it.

    I’m still anxious about the MRI, but I’m feeling much better about it than I was a few days ago.

    Chronic Illness Doesn’t Only Affect You

    Something else I’ve been thinking about lately is how chronic illness doesn’t only affect the person who has it.

    Your family lives with it too.

    In my case, my wife has been incredibly patient with me.

    Because of my sodium and fluid restrictions, we haven’t been out to eat in quite some time.

    That used to be something we really enjoyed.

    We moved to an area with new restaurants, new foods, and tons of fresh seafood.

    Going out and trying new places was supposed to be part of living here.

    Then life changed.

    Over the last year and a half, there have been surgeries, hospital stays, tests, labs, doctors, medications, restrictions, good days, and bad days.

    And no, it isn’t over.

    Not even close.

    But that doesn’t mean we stop living and sit around waiting for whatever comes next.

    We still need to find ways to enjoy ourselves.

    So Today We Went to the Beach

    We decided to go to the beach today.

    We live about 30 minutes from Sanibel Island, which is a beautiful area with great beaches and plenty of shelling for my wife to enjoy.

    I was a little apprehensive about going.

    The last time we went to the beach, it didn’t go very well.

    I had one of my near-passing-out episodes while walking back to the car.

    It was hot.

    I was exhausted.

    The car was only about 500 feet away, but it felt considerably farther than that.

    I had to stop several times just to make it back.

    I eventually got there without passing out, but the experience stuck with me.

    So I was definitely thinking about that today.

    Today Went Better

    Today turned out okay.

    We only stayed for about two hours because it got hot pretty quickly.

    The walk back to the car was still difficult.

    The sand was really soft and fluffy, which makes walking with a walker much harder.

    Even with my homemade sand shoes.

    Yep.

    I made sand shoes for my walker on my 3D printer.

    A cane sinks right into soft sand.

    Walker legs do too.

    So I designed pieces that fit over the existing walker legs and give them a much larger footprint.

    They actually work pretty well.

    They don’t magically turn walking through beach sand into something easy, but they definitely help.

    The photo above is my walker sitting on the beach with the sand shoes attached.

    Three Stops, But I Made It

    Getting back to the car still took some effort.

    I had to stop about three times along the way.

    I was sweating pretty heavily by the time I got there.

    But there was one very important difference compared with the last trip.

    I never felt like I was going to pass out.

    No tunnel vision.

    No feeling like I was about to collapse.

    Just tired.

    And hot.

    I’ll take that.

    It probably sounds like a very small accomplishment to somebody else.

    We went to the beach for two hours and I walked back to the car.

    Big deal.

    But when your world gets smaller because of chronic illness, sometimes those small things become pretty damn important.

    Today we went to the beach.

    My wife got to do some shelling.

    I got through the walk back to the car.

    And we had something that felt a little closer to a normal day.

    That counts as a win.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal experience living with chronic health conditions and following the treatment plan developed specifically for me by my healthcare providers. Nothing in this article should be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or a recommendation to change medications, fluid intake, sodium intake, activity levels, or treatment. Symptoms such as dizziness, near-fainting, excessive sweating, rapid weight changes, swelling, or exercise intolerance can have many causes and may require medical evaluation. Heat can also place additional stress on people with certain medical conditions. Always discuss symptoms, activity limits, hydration, and exercise with your own qualified healthcare professionals.

  • Daily Journal #22 — Good Numbers, an Encouraging Kidney Appointment, and MRI Monday

    Daily Journal #22 — Good Numbers, an Encouraging Kidney Appointment, and MRI Monday

    This morning’s health numbers were good.

    Actually, they were all pretty much spot on.

    My blood pressure looked good.

    My heart rate looked good.

    My glucose looked good.

    And I even dropped a little more weight.

    After all of the ups and downs lately, I’ll take a morning like that without complaint.

    Nephrologist Appointment Today

    I had my nephrology appointment today, and it was very encouraging.

    He examined me and didn’t see any signs of fluid retention.

    That is definitely a plus.

    After the recent weight fluctuations, swelling, and concern about whether I was holding onto fluid again, hearing that was reassuring.

    We also talked about the MRI I have scheduled for Monday.

    I’ve obviously been anxious about it.

    He reviewed my kidney ultrasound again and told me not to sweat it.

    His explanation actually helped.

    He compared the ultrasound to looking at something from a distance.

    You can see the general picture, but you can’t necessarily see all of the fine details.

    The MRI is more like getting up close.

    It will allow them to look at everything in much greater detail and hopefully answer the remaining questions.

    That made the whole thing feel a little less ominous.

    It sounds like the MRI is really about making sure they have the clearest possible picture.

    Either way, I get it done Monday.

    Hopefully, after that, we can finally start putting this whole AKI episode behind me.

    I Want to Write More About the AKI

    Once I get through all of this, I’m planning to write a full article about my acute kidney injury.

    Not because I think everyone’s experience will be the same as mine.

    It won’t.

    But I think there is value in explaining what happened to me, how quickly my kidney numbers changed, what contributed to it, what my doctors looked for, and what I learned from the experience.

    Before this happened, I knew what an AKI was in general terms.

    I didn’t really understand how quickly it could happen or how something being used to help one medical condition could potentially create a problem somewhere else.

    That balancing act has probably been one of the biggest lessons of this entire experience.

    The Radiology Instructions

    The radiology department also called with instructions for Monday.

    One of the instructions is that I need to drink 32 ounces of water about 30 minutes before the MRI.

    That kind of sucks.

    With the fluid limit I normally follow, 32 ounces is a huge chunk of my daily allowance.

    It’s a little over 60 percent of what I normally drink in an entire day.

    So I’m going to have to plan around that.

    This isn’t me deciding to suddenly increase my fluid intake. These are the instructions I was given for the test, and I’ll follow the instructions from the people taking care of me.

    At this point, I just want to get the MRI done and get some answers.

    Anxious and Optimistic

    Even with a very reassuring appointment today, I’m still anxious.

    I think that is probably going to be there until the MRI is finished and someone tells me exactly what they see.

    But I’m also optimistic.

    My health numbers were good this morning.

    My weight is still moving in the right direction.

    My nephrologist didn’t see any signs of fluid retention.

    And he didn’t seem overly concerned about what he saw on the ultrasound.

    Those are all positives.

    So Monday is the next hurdle.

    Get the MRI.

    Get the results.

    And hopefully put one more medical scare in the rearview mirror.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal health experience and the treatment and testing plan developed specifically for me by my healthcare providers. Nothing in this article should be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or a recommendation to change your medications, fluid intake, sodium intake, testing, or treatment. Instructions for imaging studies, including how much fluid to drink before an MRI or other procedure, may vary depending on the test and the individual patient. Always follow the instructions provided by your own healthcare team and radiology department. Acute kidney injury, fluid retention, changes in kidney function, and related symptoms can have many different causes and should be evaluated by qualified healthcare professionals.

  • Daily Journal #21 — 250 Pounds, Better Numbers, and a New Way to Track What I Eat

    Daily Journal #21 — 250 Pounds, Better Numbers, and a New Way to Track What I Eat

    This morning’s health checks were great.

    I’m down to 250 pounds.

    That puts me just 25 pounds away from my goal of 225 by April.

    After the fluid issues I was watching over the last few days, it was also reassuring to see my body-water measurement back in its normal range.

    My blood pressure was good.

    My heart rate was good.

    My glucose was good.

    For once, everything seemed to be cooperating.

    I’ll take that kind of morning anytime.

    I’m Going to Start Tracking My Food Here

    I think I’m going to make a small change to the Daily Journal going forward.

    I want to start adding a section where I record what I ate during the previous day.

    I’m not trying to calculate every calorie or milligram of sodium with laboratory precision. What I really want is a simple record I can go back and look at.

    If I suddenly gain two or three pounds, my feet swell, or my body-water reading jumps, I want to be able to look back and say:

    What did I eat yesterday?

    Was there something unusually high in sodium?

    Did I eat something different?

    Was there a restaurant meal, sauce, dressing, packaged food, or something else I didn’t think about at the time?

    That’s really all I need.

    Something close enough to help me identify patterns.

    I’ve Tried the Food Tracking Apps

    I’ve tried quite a few food-tracking apps over the years.

    Some are pretty good.

    Some are not.

    And some, in my experience, have been a complete waste of money.

    My worst experience was with CAL AI.

    When I first started using it, I actually liked it.

    It worked well.

    I could enter what I was eating, and it gave me the kind of quick estimate I was looking for.

    Then, about 30 days into using it, the app suddenly stopped working properly.

    It would no longer record the food I entered.

    I contacted the company for support.

    That didn’t get me very far.

    My experience was basically an AI support bot giving me the same response over and over again without actually fixing the problem.

    I eventually asked for a refund.

    That didn’t happen either.

    So I disputed the charge with my credit card company.

    The company challenged the dispute, and in the end I was left without a refund and without a working application.

    So that was fun.

    The really funny part is that I wouldn’t be shocked if I somehow get charged again when the membership renews.

    At this point, I think keeping my own simple food record right here might actually work better for what I need.

    Yesterday’s Food

    Going forward, I think I’ll keep this part intentionally simple.

    Breakfast:
    Strawberries & Blueberries

    Lunch:
    Peach & pineapple

    Dinner:
    Salad, pork tenderloin & sweet potato

    Snacks:
    Peach & Plum

    I’m not trying to turn this into a calorie-counting diary.

    I just want another piece of information I can compare with my weight, swelling, blood pressure, body-water readings, and how I’m feeling.

    Over time, maybe I’ll start seeing patterns that aren’t obvious in the moment.

    Still Staying Out of the Heat

    It’s still hot here.

    Another heat advisory today.

    So I’m continuing to stay inside and out of the heat as much as possible.

    With the lightheadedness and near-passing-out episodes I’ve had, I don’t see any reason to tempt fate by spending time outside when the temperature and humidity are brutal.

    There will be plenty of time to go outside when Florida decides to stop trying to cook us.

    Kidney Appointment Tomorrow

    Tomorrow is my nephrology appointment.

    Since the renal blood work somehow wasn’t done with the rest of my labs, I’m expecting there’s a pretty good chance I’ll need another blood draw.

    That may be especially important because my MRI on Monday is scheduled with contrast, and they may want updated kidney-function numbers before giving it to me.

    So I’m guessing there are probably a few more needles in my immediate future.

    At this point, I should probably start earning frequent-flyer miles for blood draws.

    Still, today started on a good note.

    250 pounds.

    Body water back to normal.

    Good blood pressure.

    Good heart rate.

    Good glucose.

    Tomorrow we deal with the kidneys.

    Today, I’m enjoying the good numbers.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal experiences managing multiple chronic health conditions and the treatment plan developed specifically for me by my healthcare providers. Nothing in this article should be considered medical advice, diagnosis, or a recommendation to change your diet, medications, fluid intake, testing, or treatment plan. Weight changes, swelling, abnormal heart rate or blood pressure, changes in kidney function, and other symptoms can have many different causes. Dietary sodium and fluid recommendations can also vary significantly from person to person depending on their medical conditions and medications. Always discuss symptoms, medication changes, dietary restrictions, imaging with contrast, and other medical decisions with your own qualified healthcare professionals.

  • Daily Journal #20 — Three Pounds Down, Missing Labs, and One Test I’m Not Looking Forward To

    Daily Journal #20 — Three Pounds Down, Missing Labs, and One Test I’m Not Looking Forward To

    This morning’s health check is moving in the right direction.

    I’m down three pounds from yesterday, which pretty much confirms what I suspected yesterday — I definitely had some fluid buildup.

    That’s good news.

    My blood pressure was still slightly high, and my pulse was significantly elevated. I’m not really sure why. I had been sitting and resting before I took the reading, so it wasn’t like I had just been walking around or doing anything strenuous.

    I’m still dealing with some anxiety about all of the testing coming up, so maybe that is playing a role. I honestly don’t know.

    For now, I’m watching it.

    Another Near-Passing-Out Episode

    I also had another episode yesterday that got my attention.

    I was getting out of my recliner to go eat dinner when I suddenly became extremely lightheaded. My vision started closing in — that tunnel-vision feeling — and for a moment I really thought I was going to pass out.

    I didn’t.

    Thankfully, this episode passed pretty quickly. Within a few moments, I was feeling better.

    It also felt different from some of the other episodes I’ve had. I wasn’t sweaty this time, and it didn’t linger nearly as long.

    My first thought was that maybe my blood pressure dropped when I stood up too quickly. That would make sense, but that is only my guess. With everything else going on, I’m not going to pretend I know exactly what caused it.

    It is another thing I’ll be mentioning to my medical team.

    These are the kinds of symptoms that make all of the tracking feel worthwhile. If something happens, I can look back at my blood pressure, pulse, weight, medications and everything else instead of trying to remember it later.

    The Blood Work Came Back… Mostly

    I received the results from my blood tests.

    Well, most of them.

    I had something like eight different tests ordered, but somehow the renal blood work wasn’t run.

    Of course.

    That’s probably the test I’m most interested in right now.

    I’m guessing the person who drew my blood somehow missed that order. I have my nephrology appointment on Thursday, so there is a pretty good chance I’ll end up having it drawn after the appointment.

    It’s frustrating because, with everything that has been going on with my kidneys, those are the numbers I really wanted to see.

    But there was another result I had been anxiously waiting for.

    My PSA.

    And thankfully, it was normal.

    One Less Thing to Freak Out About

    Prostate cancer runs in my family, so I was definitely jonesing for that PSA result.

    Between the recent acute kidney injury and the blood I had in my urine, my mind had already gone down every possible road.

    That’s what anxiety does.

    You know there are probably several explanations for something, but your brain immediately starts working its way toward the worst one.

    So seeing a normal PSA was a relief.

    One less thing to worry about.

    I still need additional testing on my bladder, though.

    And there is one procedure in particular that I am not exactly rushing to schedule.

    The Cystoscopy

    Eventually I need to have a cystoscopy.

    A cystoscopy is a procedure where a doctor uses a thin, lighted tube called a cystoscope to look inside the urethra and bladder.

    Yep.

    That means it goes from the outside into the bladder.

    There is really only one route available for that journey.

    Let’s just say I am not terribly excited about it.

    I’m planning to wait until after my hip surgery before dealing with that one.

    Is that partly because I have other medical priorities right now?

    Absolutely.

    Is it also because the procedure sounds like about as much fun as you would imagine?

    Absolutely.

    The Next Few Days

    So now the schedule looks like this:

    Nephrologist on Thursday.

    MRI on Monday.

    Hopefully, between those appointments and the missing renal blood work eventually getting done, we’ll have a much better idea of where things stand with my kidneys.

    My hope is that we can finally put this AKI behind me.

    Yesterday I was worried about fluid buildup and had another near-passing-out episode.

    Today I’m three pounds lighter.

    The PSA was normal.

    There are still unanswered questions, but at least this morning there are a couple of things moving in the right direction.

    I’ll take the wins when I can get them.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal documents my personal health experiences and the treatment plan developed specifically for me by my healthcare providers. Nothing in this article is medical advice or a recommendation to diagnose, treat, monitor, delay, or change the treatment of any medical condition. Symptoms such as rapid weight changes, swelling, elevated heart rate, dizziness, tunnel vision, fainting or near-fainting, blood in the urine, or changes in kidney function can have many causes, including potentially serious ones, and should be evaluated by qualified healthcare professionals. Do not assume that symptoms similar to mine have the same cause, and do not change medications or delay recommended testing or treatment based on anything you read here. Seek prompt medical attention for new, severe, persistent, or worsening symptoms, especially actual fainting, chest pain, significant shortness of breath, new neurological symptoms, or other symptoms that concern you. Always discuss your individual situation with your own healthcare team.

  • Daily Journal #19 — Watching the Scale, My Feet, and My Kidneys

    Daily Journal #19 — Watching the Scale, My Feet, and My Kidneys

    My morning health check was about as good as it has been the last couple of days, but one thing caught my attention.

    I gained a pound since yesterday.

    Normally, a one-pound change by itself probably wouldn’t alarm me too much. What concerned me was that I really didn’t eat much yesterday. I had a salad for dinner. It wasn’t a small salad, but it certainly wasn’t anything that should have caused me to gain a pound overnight.

    Then I started looking at everything else.

    My feet were slightly swollen.

    My blood pressure was up.

    My body-water calculation was also higher.

    Put all of that together,

    and I started wondering if I was retaining fluid again.

    So I took a Torsemide this morning.

    I only take my diuretic on an as-needed basis now. That was a decision made with my medical team, not something I decided to do on my own.

    I manage my sodium and fluid intake very tightly because my goal is to avoid needing diuretics whenever possible. My doctors have actually seen the Excel spreadsheet I use to track everything. I don’t miss days. I document changes, symptoms, weight, blood pressure and medication adjustments made by my medical team.

    That level of tracking became especially important after what happened a few months ago.

    When Too Much Diuretic Became a Problem

    A few months ago, I ended up in the hospital after becoming over-diuresed.

    Basically, my body had gotten too low on fluid while I was still taking my diuretics as prescribed.

    That contributed to an acute kidney injury, or AKI.

    My kidney function dropped significantly. An eGFR above 60 is generally considered a better range, and mine had fallen into the low 30s.

    That episode is part of the reason I later had a kidney ultrasound and why I now have an MRI scheduled.

    After several appointments with my nephrologist, and after my doctors saw just how closely I was monitoring everything, my diuretic plan was changed to as-needed use.

    That gives me a little more flexibility, but it also means I have to pay close attention to what my body is telling me.

    And lately, I am.

    Why This Morning Has Me Concerned

    This is now the second time in about a week that I’ve noticed signs that make me wonder if I’m holding onto more fluid than I should.

    What makes it frustrating is that I can’t immediately point to something obvious.

    I didn’t have shrimp in my salad.

    It was basically vegetables, other than the dressing.

    So my next step is to retrace everything I ate and drank yesterday and see if something contained more sodium than I realized.

    Sometimes that’s all you can do.

    Go back.

    Look at the numbers.

    Then at what you ate.

    Also at what you drank.

    And try to find the missing piece.

    Blood Work Today

    I also have a blood draw today.

    A few hours after that, I’ll have a new set of numbers to look at.

    And I’ll admit it: I’m having a lot of anxiety about it.

    After watching my kidney function drop before, it’s hard not to worry about what those lab results are going to show.

    I’m praying everything looks good.

    If it doesn’t, then there may be more changes ahead.

    Either way, I’ll know more soon.

    And when I do, I’ll let you know.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal reflects my personal experience living with heart failure, kidney disease, and the treatment plan developed specifically for me by my healthcare team. Nothing in this article should be taken as medical advice or as a recommendation to start, stop, skip, increase, decrease, or otherwise change any medication, including diuretics. Diuretics can affect fluid balance, blood pressure, electrolytes, and kidney function, and improper use can be dangerous. Any changes to your medications, fluid intake, sodium limits, or treatment plan should be made only in consultation with your own qualified healthcare professionals. If you experience new or worsening swelling, rapid weight changes, shortness of breath, chest pain, severe dizziness, fainting, or other concerning symptoms, seek appropriate medical care promptly.

  • Daily Journal #18: The Numbers Are Good. My Mind Has Other Ideas.

    Daily Journal #18: The Numbers Are Good. My Mind Has Other Ideas.

    My morning health checks were good again today.

    My weight was right where I wanted it. My glucose was 85. My blood pressure was a little higher than usual, but still acceptable.

    Most importantly, no swelling in my feet.

    After the fluid retention I was dealing with recently, I finally feel like I’m back in a place where I’m comfortable with what I’m seeing.

    That’s the good news.

    Unfortunately, my brain apparently didn’t get the memo.

    Another Night With Almost No Sleep

    I got maybe three hours of sleep last night.

    Again.

    My hip certainly isn’t helping. It’s still hurting quite a bit, and finding a comfortable position has been difficult.

    But I don’t think the hip deserves all the blame this time.

    Anxiety does.

    I have blood work coming up and then an MRI of my kidneys.

    And apparently my brain has decided that 2:00 in the morning is the perfect time to explore every possible outcome.

    Waiting Is Sometimes the Hardest Part

    I’ve already been told there are problems with my right kidney. Then the ultrasound found something that needs a closer look on the other kidney.

    That’s about all I actually know right now.

    But that’s not where my mind stops.

    My mind immediately jumps ahead:

    What if something is seriously wrong with the other kidney?

    What if my kidney function gets worse?

    What if someday I need dialysis?

    Then I start thinking about my other chronic illnesses, my age and whether I’d ever even be a candidate for something like a kidney transplant.

    Before long, I’ve gone from:

    “I have an MRI scheduled.”

    to:

    “I’m going to end up on dialysis.”

    That’s quite a leap.

    And I know that.

    The reality is much simpler.

    I don’t have those answers yet.

    I don’t know what the MRI is going to show. I don’t know what the upcoming blood work will show. And I certainly don’t know that dialysis or a transplant is anywhere in my future.

    Those are fears.

    They aren’t test results.

    Sometimes I need to remind myself of the difference.

    There’s Nothing I Can Do About It Today

    This might be the hardest part for me.

    I like problems I can fix.

    If something breaks around the house, figure out what’s wrong and fix it.

    If there’s a problem with the website, troubleshoot it.

    Health doesn’t always work that way.

    Right now, my job is pretty simple:

    Get the blood work.

    Get the MRI.

    Meet with my doctors.

    Wait for the actual information.

    Worrying about it at three in the morning isn’t going to change what that MRI shows.

    It’s just going to make me exhausted when morning arrives.

    Much easier said than done.

    The Heat Isn’t Helping Either

    It’s still ridiculously hot here in Southwest Florida.

    We’ve had what seems like one heat warning after another lately, so I’m continuing to be careful about how much I do outside.

    I’ve had enough episodes of getting lightheaded and feeling like I might pass out with exertion and heat that I’m not interested in pushing my luck.

    That doesn’t mean I want to sit around all day, though.

    I Still Want to Move

    Even with my hip hurting, I’d like to get some walking in.

    The hospital gave me some exercises to work on before my hip surgery. They’re intentionally pretty mild and don’t require a huge amount of exertion.

    I’d also like to walk a little when I can.

    Nothing heroic.

    I’m certainly not heading outside in a heat warning and trying to set a personal record.

    I just don’t want to completely stop moving because my hip hurts.

    There’s a balance there too.

    Apparently my entire life has become one giant balancing act.

    ❤️ Greg’s Take

    Physically, this morning started pretty well.

    Weight looks good.

    Glucose was 85.

    Blood pressure was acceptable.

    No swelling.

    Those are all wins.

    Mentally?

    That’s a different story.

    I’m tired, my hip hurts, and I’m worried about what we’re going to find with my kidneys.

    I can come up with a hundred terrible possibilities if I give myself enough time.

    But none of them are facts.

    The facts will come from the blood work, the MRI and my doctors.

    Until then, worrying myself into another sleepless night accomplishes absolutely nothing.

    I know that.

    Now I just need to convince my brain.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This daily journal documents my personal experiences living with chronic illness, anxiety about medical testing, pain and ongoing treatment. It is not medical advice. Everyone’s medical situation is different, and decisions about kidney disease, exercise, medications or other treatments should be made with your own healthcare professionals.

  • Daily Journal #17: Good Numbers Don’t Always Mean a Good Day

    Daily Journal #17: Good Numbers Don’t Always Mean a Good Day

    Another rough night of sleep.

    I was up and down most of the night, and according to my Apple Watch, I managed a whopping 3 hours and 21 minutes of sleep.

    That’s not much.

    I’ll probably end up taking a nap sometime today, which unfortunately feeds into the problem. I sleep during the day because I didn’t sleep at night. Then I’m not tired when nighttime comes around.

    Before I know it, I’ve got my days and nights completely screwed up.

    It sucks.

    I’m still trying to figure out how to break that cycle.

    At Least the Morning Numbers Look Good

    The good news is that my morning health checks continue to look good.

    No swelling this morning.

    Nothing showing me that I’m heading back toward the fluid retention I was dealing with earlier.

    That’s reassuring.

    I’m still not drinking as much as I probably should, though.

    After watching my weight climb and my feet swell recently, I’ve definitely become more hesitant about fluids. I’ve talked about that over the last few days, and apparently my brain hasn’t gotten the memo yet that things have stabilized.

    That’s something I need to continue working on.

    At Least I’m Eating

    I did better with food yesterday.

    I had a salad along with some tuna salad.

    We’ve actually started doing something different with the tuna that has turned out really well.

    Instead of buying canned tuna, we’ve been cooking fresh tuna steaks and using those to make tuna salad.

    What a difference.

    It tastes so much better than canned tuna, and depending on what you’re comparing it with, it can also help me avoid some of the sodium that comes with canned and packaged products.

    This might eventually deserve its own recipe on the site.

    One more thing for the list.

    The Hip Is Another Story

    Unfortunately, while the morning numbers are behaving themselves, my hip definitely isn’t.

    This is probably the most pain I’ve been in for quite a while.

    Usually I can find some position where it settles down a little.

    Right now, even sitting still hurts.

    Sleeping has become difficult too, which certainly isn’t helping my already screwed-up sleep schedule.

    The recliner is still the place where I can get the most comfortable, but even that isn’t particularly comfortable right now.

    And mentally, I hate spending most of my day parked in a recliner.

    I want to get up.

    I want to do things.

    I want to work on the website.

    I want to cook.

    I want to move around the house.

    Instead, my hip keeps reminding me that it gets a vote too.

    Apparently, lately it has veto power.

    The Pain-Medication Trade-Off

    I haven’t taken my pain medication in a while.

    There’s a reason for that.

    Constipation.

    That’s one of the side effects I’ve dealt with, and it’s unpleasant enough that I’ve been trying to avoid the medication whenever possible.

    Usually I can tough it out.

    Right now, I’m getting to the point where I may have to reconsider that.

    There’s only so much pain you can tolerate before the benefit of getting some relief starts outweighing the downside.

    If I do need the medication, then I’ll have to deal with the constipation issue separately.

    Another trade-off.

    Seems like chronic illness comes with a lot of those.

    Fix one problem. Create another problem. Manage both. Repeat.

    ❤️ Greg’s Take

    If you only looked at my morning health checks today, you’d probably say:

    Great day.

    No swelling.

    Numbers look good.

    Fluid retention seems to be under control.

    But those numbers don’t show that I slept 3 hours and 21 minutes.

    They don’t show how much my hip hurts.

    They don’t show that sitting still hurts right now.

    And they don’t show how frustrating it is spending so much time in a recliner because it’s one of the few places where I can get even somewhat comfortable.

    That’s something I’ve learned through all of this.

    Good numbers don’t always mean a good day.

    I’m happy with the numbers.

    Believe me, I want them to stay exactly where they are.

    But today?

    I’m tired.

    My hip hurts like hell.

    And there’s a pretty good chance a nap is in my future.

    Hopefully tomorrow is better.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This journal describes my personal experience living with chronic health conditions, pain and prescribed medications. It is not medical advice. Medication decisions, fluid intake and treatment for pain or other symptoms should be discussed with your own healthcare team. Never start, stop or change a prescribed medication based on my experience.

  • Daily Journal #15: My Numbers Are Better. My Head Isn’t There Yet.

    Daily Journal #15: My Numbers Are Better. My Head Isn’t There Yet.

    My morning health checks are continuing to trend in the right direction.

    Finally.

    My weight has stabilized and I’ve even lost a little more. I’m still working toward my goal of 225 pounds by April 2027, so I’ll happily take a loss when it’s the kind I’m actually trying to achieve.

    My blood pressure was normal this morning.

    My body-water percentage was unchanged from yesterday.

    And maybe most importantly after what I’ve been watching over the last few days:

    No swelling in my feet today.

    Weight stable.

    Blood pressure good.

    Body water stable.

    No swelling.

    All of those signs tell me that I’m pretty much back to my version of “normal.”

    Physically, that’s great news.

    Mentally?

    That’s a little more complicated.

    Now I Have to Convince Myself It’s Okay to Eat and Drink

    After watching my weight climb and seeing the swelling in my feet, I became extremely cautious about what I was eating and drinking.

    Maybe too cautious.

    Truth be told, I didn’t eat or drink normally yesterday.

    I drank because I know my kidneys need hydration.

    I ate because I know I need enough food to keep my blood sugar from dropping.

    But I can’t say I was comfortable doing either one.

    That’s something I’m still working on.

    Logically, I understand that my body needs food and fluid.

    Emotionally, there’s another voice saying:

    Remember what happens when this goes wrong.

    Because the thing I really want to avoid is another hospitalization.

    I Really Hate Hospitals

    I don’t just dislike being hospitalized.

    I hate it.

    It’s incredibly difficult for me to stay positive when I’m in the hospital.

    Part of that is everything that comes with being sick enough to be there in the first place.

    But there’s something else.

    I’m kind of a germ freak.

    Okay…

    I’m definitely a germ freak.

    I practiced social distancing before COVID made it fashionable.

    When I was working, I’d walk around with Lysol wipes cleaning things.

    Door knobs.

    Conference tables.

    Chairs.

    Elevator buttons.

    Handrails.

    Basically, if another human being had touched it, there was a decent chance I was coming behind them with a disinfecting wipe.

    A little insane?

    Probably.

    But I rarely got sick.

    So you can probably imagine how I feel about hospitals.

    They’re full of sick people.

    There are germs everywhere.

    There are diseases I didn’t even know existed until somebody put me in a room next to one.

    That part of being hospitalized genuinely freaks me out.

    And unfortunately, I have a pretty good reason for feeling that way.

    Then There Was C. Diff

    After one of my hospital stays, I ended up back home only to develop C. diff shortly afterward.

    At that point in my life, I was barely leaving the house because of everything else going on with my health.

    Where exactly I picked it up isn’t something I can prove, but the timing certainly made that hospital stay stand out in my mind.

    If you’ve never experienced C. diff…

    Consider yourself lucky.

    It was awful.

    It even threatened to interfere with the timing of my heart procedure.

    At the time, there was absolutely nothing funny about it.

    Now?

    Well…

    Enough time has passed that I can find some humor in the experience.

    That might eventually become a Living With It article.

    Although I’m not entirely sure the internet is ready for that one.

    So Yeah, I’m Afraid of Going Back

    All of that helps explain why a couple pounds of weight gain and some swelling can mess with my head.

    It’s not simply:

    Oh, my weight went up.

    My brain immediately starts working its way down the road:

    Weight gain.

    Fluid retention.

    Heart failure.

    Diuretics.

    Is it getting worse?

    Do I need to call somebody?

    Am I going back to the hospital?

    That’s what I’m trying to get better at managing.

    My morning health checks are supposed to give me information.

    They’re supposed to help me make informed decisions and recognize trends.

    I don’t want them to become something that makes me afraid to eat.

    There’s a balance there that I haven’t completely figured out yet.

    Meanwhile, Welcome to August in Southwest Florida

    Life itself has been pretty boring lately.

    It’s August in Southwest Florida.

    Which basically means:

    It’s hot.

    Really hot.

    And I’ve been trying to stay out of it.

    I’ve had several episodes recently where I’ve become extremely lightheaded and started sweating profusely, particularly with exertion and heat.

    One of them happened while I was simply cooking on the grill.

    I wasn’t running a marathon.

    I wasn’t doing yard work.

    I was making dinner.

    Suddenly, I became so lightheaded that I genuinely thought I might face-plant.

    When that happens, I’m done.

    I sit down.

    I cool off.

    And it can take about 20 minutes before I start feeling normal again.

    That’s something I’m already working with my doctors to understand.

    Until we have better answers, I’m not going to prove how tough I am by standing outside in the Florida heat.

    The grill will survive without me.

    ❤️ Greg’s Take

    Physically, today was a good morning.

    Actually, it was probably exactly what I wanted to see.

    My weight has stabilized.

    My blood pressure looks good.

    My body-water percentage isn’t climbing.

    And the swelling in my feet is gone.

    That’s a win.

    Now I have to work on the other part.

    Trusting my body enough to eat.

    Trusting myself enough to drink what I’m supposed to drink.

    And using my morning health checks as information rather than letting every change scare me into thinking I’m headed back to the hospital.

    That’s easier said than done.

    I’ve had enough hospital stays that avoiding another one has become a pretty powerful motivator.

    Sometimes maybe too powerful.

    But that’s part of living with all of this too.

    Not every recovery happens on a scale.

    Sometimes the numbers return to normal before your head does.

    Today, my numbers look pretty good.

    Now I need to work on catching up with them.

    Medical Disclaimer

    This daily journal describes my personal experiences managing chronic health conditions and is not medical advice. My monitoring routine, diet, fluid intake and medications are based on guidance from my own healthcare team. Everyone’s medical needs are different. If you have heart failure, kidney disease, diabetes or another chronic condition, talk with your healthcare team about appropriate fluid, nutrition, weight and symptom-monitoring goals for you.